The Crossroads of Impossible Loves

Do impossible loves really exist? What lies beyond that persistent echo in the soul, that bittersweet taste that lingers in solitude? There is even a date —two days after Valentine’s Day— dedicated to honoring them; or should we say mourning them? These are stories woven from dreams, nostalgia, and frustration. Across cultures and throughout history, impossible love has served as an endless source of inspiration for literature, cinema, music, and, of course, life itself.

But what exactly defines an impossible love? It is not simply unrequited love but something deeper and more complex —an intense feeling destined to remain confined to the realm of fantasy or denial.

The barriers that make love impossible vary, but some of the most romanticized include social and cultural differences, such as those that doomed Romeo and Juliet, whose love was thwarted by their families’ deep-seated hatred. A similar trope appears in countless telenovelas, where a poor girl falls for a rich man and vice versa. Though we no longer live in medieval Italy or the overly dramatic world of soap operas, such barriers persist in real life —often in the form of enduring prejudices like racism.

Physical distance, despite modern technology and high-speed communication, still disrupts love. This applies not only to online relationships, which sometimes fail to move beyond the screen, but also to the realities of migration, which increasingly erodes seemingly solid bonds. In many cases, individuals must confront the painful question of what is truly worth risking for the sake of "progress."

Death is the saddest of all barriers —the irreparable loss of a loved one, the struggle against memory, and the impossibility of a shared future.

Another inexhaustible source of impossible —or at least difficult and constrained— love stories is pre-existing commitments. These are the entanglements that arise when one or both individuals are already tied to others, bound by loyalty, duty, or habit rather than passion.

Then there is the idealization —the tendency to fall in love with a perfect version of someone who does not exist. A platonic love nurtured by fantasy can become an impossible love simply because it is never grounded in reality.

The allure of impossible love lies in its intensity and the implicit promise of something extraordinary. Imagination fills in the gaps, painting idyllic scenarios where obstacles vanish and love triumphs. Perhaps that is why impossible love so often finds its way into art, literature, and music.

Several psychological theories attempt to explain why we get entangled in these love affairs that bring us closer to melancholy than to the happiness of being loved.

• The attraction of the forbidden – The idea that what we cannot have becomes more desirable.
• Emotional intensity without real commitment – Some people crave deep emotions without facing the reality of a relationship.
• Validation – Conquering something unattainable can boost self-esteem, at least temporarily. But once the high fades, the opposite often occurs.

However, impossible loves can also be destructive. If the source of inspiration turns into obsession or extreme idealization —if we are unable to accept reality— we risk falling into depression, anxiety, and isolation. If they overpower our self-worth, we may lose our confidence and begin to undervalue ourselves. Recognizing when longing becomes a trap is crucial, and seeking professional help can sometimes be necessary.

Why do some people cling to or obsess over an impossible love? Argentine psychoanalyst Hugo Lerner, in an interview with Página 12, offered an answer:

"Because that object has been invested with such an idealized image that it loses touch with reality. There is no reciprocity from the other person, yet the individual keeps insisting. This becomes even more complex because the person believes that, although the love is impossible, it will somehow complete them. But nothing will complete them. It is an ideal. No one completes another person. It remains an ideal, likely formed from unmet needs rooted in childhood development."

Lerner does not believe in the myth of the "other half." Many of his colleagues agree that each person is whole on their own. Love is about forming the right partnership, where both individuals are complete and can thrive together.

The first step to navigating the crossroads of impossible love is focusing on ourselves —investing time and energy in activities that bring joy, strengthening self-esteem, and embracing self-love and self-worth. Only then can we build healthy relationships and find balance between longing and acceptance, between fantasy and reality.

Translated by Sergio A. Paneque Díaz / CubaSí Translation Staff